The Adulthood Dilemma of Staying True to Yourself

"And then, I decided to make it a competition. With my eyes closed, I started counting her breaths while she slept, trying to match her pace. She had no idea what I was doing. I would run out of air halfway through her inhale, but kept trying anyway. In my head, I was sure that with enough practice, I would master it."

"His steps were so long that I had to run beside him to keep up. I would try to stretch my legs to take a "grown-up" step-one time, I almost did the splits right there on the sidewalk. He did not even notice. Looking back, I laugh because neither of them knew they were part of my secret competitions. But also maybe that is how it starts for most of us: We learn early to adjust our rhythm to the people we love."

"My mom avoids conflict. She is a very peaceful person. My younger brother and I barely talk these days. Everyone's pretending it is peace, but it is really just silence in fancy clothes. We are all keeping things "calm" for the sake of calm, but inside, it is a mess. And everyone is okay about it as long as there is no conflict."

A childhood memory shows the narrator trying to match a grandmother's slow breaths and a stepfather's long strides as secret competitions. Those early adaptations became habitual strategies to adjust tempo and fit others. The pattern persisted into adulthood and shaped family dynamics where conflict is avoided and conversations are stifled to preserve surface calm. The narrator frequently withholds direct statements with their mother to avoid tense interactions and maintain peace. The result is emotional suppression, silence disguised as tranquility, and ongoing compromises of authenticity to keep relational harmony.

Read at Psychology Today