"On hearing "why?" your mind may go blank immediately. Perhaps you try to search for a logical reason, some malicious intent, some evidence that you are somehow an underdeveloped or less-than person, yet you find nothing where an answer should be. You may then feel small, ashamed of your inability to explain yourself. All you can feel and hear is a painful inner knot: I don't know, I really don't know why I did that."
"You might find yourself staring at your own behavior as though watching a stranger perform actions that make no sense, feeling genuinely confused about how you could have done something so unlike who you would like yourself to be. But when you say "I don't know" from this dissociated state, you are honoring a protective barrier your psyche erected for good reason."
Many people sometimes lash out, withdraw, or sabotage relationships and opportunities, then experience bewilderment when unable to explain those actions. A sudden blank mind in response to being asked why can feel shameful but does not indicate moral failure or evasion. The body and unconscious can hold memories and emotions that the conscious mind cannot speak or access without sufficient strength or safety. Saying I don't know from a dissociated place can honor a protective barrier erected to prevent overwhelming pain. The psyche reveals hidden material gradually when enough safety exists for the unconscious to speak.
Read at Psychology Today
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