""In the still of that late winter night, 1979, for the first time I laid in bed, cold and numb except for a thin, hot streak coursing through my head, and fantasized about killing my father." These words hung conspicuously at the end of one of the essays I wrote for my MFA thesis last year. My collection of childhood stories included this account of the time when I was 14 years old and my dad had just roughed up my 17-year-old brother."
"In my 30-plus years of being a witness to my clients' stories, the tracts of suicidal and homicidal thoughts have felt siloed. It's as if a threshold has to be crossed for these experiences to be acknowledged. A person has to have substantially horrific experiences of abuse (highly subjective designation) or significant clinical depression/ anxiety for there to be a social endorsement of giving voice to these thoughts."
Occasional thoughts of self-harm and harm toward others occur commonly and are part of many people's internal experiences. Social stigma and clinical thresholds often silence acknowledgment of suicidal and homicidal thoughts unless there is extreme abuse or diagnosed mental illness. Many people function outwardly while carrying these taboo thoughts, which complicates access to validation and support. Recognizing and seeking to understand these impulses contributes to emotional health and recovery. Expressive practices such as therapeutic journaling offer a socially acceptable, controlled outlet to examine violent or taboo imaginings and to integrate those experiences safely into healing processes.
Read at Psychology Today
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