What to Do About Cancer "Ghosting"

"Following a cancer diagnosis, you need a strong support network more than ever. But sometimes, the people you think you can rely on disappear. This phenomenon is known in some circles as "cancer ghosting." The term "ghosting" became popular in the 2010s 1 to describe the phenomenon of people abruptly cutting off communication in a dating relationship. Cancer "ghosting" is similar-it's when someone you care about distances themselves or stops communicating with you after you're diagnosed."

"The reasons are different from relationship to relationship, but generally come down to three things: fear, ignorance, and emotional immaturity. Sometimes people react to their own fears by pulling away. They're afraid that you'll die or that they won't be able to support you. They may be afraid that they'll bother you or say the wrong thing. Or your illness might make them realize that they are also vulnerable and can get sick, too. They are uncomfortable with that, so they remove the reminder: You."

"People are also often ignorant of the physical and emotional demands of cancer, and don't understand that you'll need ongoing support. They might think a text every now and then is enough, without realizing that good support requires a lot more than that. Ghosting can also be down to plain old selfishness or emotional immaturity-people are too uncomfortable or self-interested to show up in a genuine way. Whatever the reason, it makes sense to feel lonely, confused, and hurt."

After a cancer diagnosis many people experience abandonment by friends or family who distance themselves or stop communicating. Reactions typically stem from fear, ignorance about cancer's demands, or emotional immaturity and selfishness. People may withdraw because they fear death, feel unable to provide support, worry about saying the wrong thing, or become uncomfortable confronting their own vulnerability. Some assume occasional messages suffice rather than providing sustained help. Experiencing loneliness, confusion, and hurt in response to abandonment is a common and understandable reaction. No single response suits everyone; reflecting on personal needs and adapting support strategies can aid self-care.

Read at Psychology Today