"I remember reading a statement in a therapy text long ago this one-line statement: How you felt when you left home for the first time-whether going to college, getting married, or moving into an apartment with friends-becomes the emotional baseline for leaving other things in your life, such as jobs and relationships. There wasn't any solid experimental evidence in the book to support the claim, but the notion that our leaving or quitting follows some learned pattern has stuck and resonated with me over the years, as it has for many of my clients."
"Leaving is always an emotional act, not only at the moment of separation but often long before. The thought of leaving-whether it's a job or an intimate relationship-comes from an underlying feeling: frustration over being overlooked, unshakeable loneliness, criticism that wounds your self-esteem, feeling dismissed, and having no voice."
"Many have mixed feelings: You're excited but also a little nervous about stepping into the unknown. Or maybe you felt overwhelmed and more than a little scared, like you were being pushed out of the nest before you were ready. Or, no, you couldn't wait to break free."
Leaving often originates from deep feelings such as frustration, loneliness, criticism, dismissal, and lack of voice. Early experiences of leaving home establish an emotional baseline that influences later decisions to quit jobs or relationships. Mixed emotions at departure can mask deeper motives like escape, desire for control, safety, or relief from criticism. Awareness of these learned patterns enables recognition of present contamination by past experiences. Identifying options and attempting repair rather than immediate departure can break habitual quitting and lead to healthier relationship and career choices.
Read at Psychology Today
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