"At Paul's funeral, just before his body was carried from his house to the grave outside the window of his room, Anna told us that she dreaded the next step. Custom required that she enter a nearby house full of women, rip her clothes, pull her hair, and wail as the coffin was lowered into the grave. For the rest of the day, she was to sob with her relatives as proof of her grief."
"The difficulty for Anna was that she did not feel that way at the time. Perhaps because Paul had been ill for so long, she experienced his death as a relief or perhaps it didn't yet feel real. For whatever reason, Anna couldn't genuinely express grief publicly that day. She wasn't sure how she felt, yet she had to act as though she were overcome with sorrow. If she didn't behave this way, her family would ostracize her."
Rituals often help mourners deal with grief, but prescribed expectations do not fit every individual's experience. Some people may not feel expected emotions because of prolonged illness or delayed realization. A Kenyan woman, Anna, faced pressure to perform traditional mourning rites—ripping clothes, pulling hair, wailing and sobbing as proof of grief—despite not genuinely feeling sorrow. The enforced performance produced dishonesty and potential harm, heightening guilt when prescribed timetables and communal expectations clashed with inner feelings. Social sanctions, including ostracism, can compel individuals to simulate mourning against their authentic emotional state.
Read at Psychology Today
Unable to calculate read time
Collection
[
|
...
]