The hardest part of healing isn't facing what happened to you. It's grieving the version of yourself that had to exist because of it. - Silicon Canals

"The part that actually wrecks you comes later. It's quieter, slower, and far more disorienting. It's the moment you realize that the person you built yourself into, the one who survived, adapted, and kept going, was never really you. It was a construction. A brilliant one. But a construction all the same."

"The adaptive self is the version of you that formed in response to your environment. The hyper-vigilant kid who could read a room before the door fully closed. The people-pleaser who learned that if everyone else was comfortable, they were safe. The overachiever who figured out early that love had a price tag, and it was performance."

"Confronting what happened to you requires courage. Grieving who you became because of it requires something entirely different: surrender. When you confront a painful memory, you're still in control. You're the narrator. But grief asks you to stop narrating and simply feel."

Therapy's most challenging phase occurs after initial trauma disclosure. The adaptive self—a psychological construction formed in response to environmental pressures—develops as a survival mechanism. This version includes the hyper-vigilant child, people-pleaser, or overachiever who learned to navigate danger through specific behaviors. These adaptations function effectively, enabling success and safety. However, they eventually create disconnection from authentic self and relationships. The deeper therapeutic work involves grieving this constructed identity rather than confronting the original trauma. This grief requires surrender and acceptance of loss, making it psychologically more disorienting than initial disclosure. Psychological frameworks recognize this grief work as central to healing.

Read at Silicon Canals