"However, we've become aware that there is a consistent pattern of control from this girl: demands about when and where they meet, or what our daughter can and can't wear. If our daughter goes against her, she risks being shunned and ignored or spoken to aggressively. This girl does not let our daughter interact with others without her. There is a barrage of demanding messages and calls at home about arrangements, and we see our daughter being vigilant and tense, having to respond immediately."
"We know this girl has problems with anxiety, and haven't spoken with her parents, but feel we will have to. Our daughter has become more open about what is going on, and we are trying to support her to be more assertive and to recognise that this controlling behaviour is not OK. She seems to understand and feel this to a degree, but so far is not able to say anything."
An 11-year-old girl is in an unhealthy, controlling friendship where a classmate dictates meeting times, social interactions, and clothing choices. The controlling friend shuns, ignores, or speaks aggressively when contradicted, prevents independent interactions, and sends a barrage of demanding messages that leave the girl vigilant and tense. The controlling pattern alternates with normal, enjoyable interactions, creating a Jekyll-and-Hyde dynamic. The controlling girl appears to have anxiety. The victim understands some behaviour is wrong but lacks assertiveness and sometimes resists parental conversations. Starting secondary school in the same class presents both challenge and an opportunity to separate; informing the new teacher is recommended.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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