Male bonds develop one way, female friendships another. Should we stop trying to make men more like women? | Gaby Hinsliff

"No wonder, we think to ourselves, that more than a quarter of British men say they have no close friends at all; that male loneliness is endemic, that they won't go to the doctor until they are practically dying, that male suicide rates are higher than female ones, that too many middle-aged men in particular seem to feel permanently angry for reasons they can't articulate even to themselves."

"The four years he spent observing them have now been distilled into a study entitled Rethinking male relationships and the value of personal reticence, arguing that particularly for men raised in the era of the stiff upper lip, the value of friendships that revolve simply around shared hobbies doing things together, often in companionable silence may be underrated."

Many men socialize in groups without discussing personal matters, leading others to perceive such friendships as emotionally shallow. Surveys show over a quarter of British men report no close friends; male loneliness and higher male suicide rates indicate serious consequences. An anthropologist observed volunteers at a heritage steam railway and found strong closeness among mostly older men built through shared activities and companionable silence. Four years of observation indicated personal reticence and activity-focused friendship can foster intimacy for men raised with a stiff upper lip. Such friendships provide mutual support and belonging without verbal self-disclosure. Recognition of diverse friendship forms can inform mental-health approaches.

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