Gabrielle Anwar recalls a hollow, vacant childhood presence that later made sense as undetected mental illness. Her parents lacked the tools and vocabulary to address mental health. Emotional instability began in adolescence with a likely manic episode around age 11, leading to expulsion and shame. Acting provided an outlet and masked private depression while her career advanced, including a BBC role at 16 and a Warner Bros. film at 23. She had her first child, Willow, at 23 under complicated circumstances. After worsening, she checked into a psychiatric hospital and received a bipolar disorder diagnosis, bringing both relief and heartbreak.
When I look back at old family photo albums, I see a little girl who looks hollow and vacant. I now understand why. My parents didn't have the tools to help me. Like many from their generation, they lacked the vocabulary and empathy we now have around mental health. By the time I hit adolescence, I was emotionally unstable. I believe I had my first manic episode around age 11 when I started menstruating. I was expelled from school and deeply ashamed.
Acting gave me an outlet and covered up the problem I landed my first role in a BBC miniseries at the age of 16. Acting made me feel alive, even as I battled depression privately. When I moved to Los Angeles after falling in love with an American actor, I landed a Warner Bros. film within days of arriving. I was 23 when I filmed "Scent of a Woman," including that now-iconic tango scene with Al Pacino.
I had my first child, Willow, at the age of 23. She was conceived during a one-night stand after my breakup with the actor I came to America for. We got back together, and he became her father figure, whom she called "Daddy," but our relationship wasn't great. Eventually, I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital. That's when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It was both a relief and a heartbreak. Relief that my pain had a name.
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