I had electric shock treatment in the 1960s. Now I want to know why | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

"I am 83, and my life seems to have been mostly happy. But after a year at art college, I sort of disintegrated and was sent to a mental hospital after I had tried to kill myself several times. My best explanation is that life was too difficult and painful. In the hospital I had 15 electric shock treatments. After the first one I didn't recognise my mum."

"I was given antipsychotic drugs and sedatives. I caused a lot of worry to my parents, but I couldn't pull myself together. Looking back, I see myself as a caring person who helped the confused and unhappy ladies who were locked away in that massive old mental hospital, where, in a way, I felt at home. Afterwards, I decided to go to Italy, where I recovered gradually and stopped the medication."

"People make seemingly random decisions all the time, but when we look back they had more purpose than they seemed to and were often informed by our environment. You were courageous, and still are for writing to me and thinking about this difficult time in your life, which must have been traumatic. And like all trauma, it's stuck in your memory as snapshots, which you are now trying to make sense of."

"Trauma memories aren't laid down like regular memories in the brain. You can learn more about this by listening to the podcast I did on this subject with Dr Joanne Stubley, a consultant medical psychotherapist who leads the trauma service for adults at the Tavistock and Portman NHS trust in England. I showed her your letter and we were both curious about what led up to your breakdown."

An 83-year-old experienced a severe breakdown after a year at art college, attempted suicide several times, and was hospitalized. The hospital administered 15 electroconvulsive treatments; after the first treatment the patient did not recognise her mother, suffered a blinding headache, and feared never waking up. Antipsychotic drugs and sedatives were given, and the patient felt unable to recover despite causing much parental worry. While institutionalized, the patient cared for other confused and unhappy women. Recovery began in Italy after stopping medication; the patient later taught English and led a largely full, successful life. Trauma memories remain as fragmented snapshots and differ from regular memories.

Read at www.theguardian.com