How to Say No at Work Without Harming Your Relationships

"People say yes because saying no feels socially risky-especially when the request is made face-to-face. Once you agree to help, you work harder than intended, and your effort is less appreciated than you realise. Saying no at work is a skill set that can be developed, coupled with effective strategies for avoiding damage. Early in your career, saying yes to opportunities at work can help you develop new relationships, greater exposure, and new skills."

"Research shows that people who ask for things at work systematically underestimate how hard it is for others to say no [1]. Further, when the request occurs face to face, declining can feel awkward, cold, or reputation-damaging, even when the request is unreasonable. One field experiment found that in-person requests were far more likely to receive agreement than email requests, precisely because refusal is harder in the moment [2]."

"This dynamic leads to a predictable pattern: Saying yes is the easiest option for now. The resulting stress, overload, or resentment comes later. Once people agree to help, they tend to exert more effort than the help-seeker expects or even appreciates [3]. This means that a simple "Sure, no problem" can quietly turn into hours of work, emotional labour, or cognitive load that no one explicitly asked for nor agreed to do."

People often agree to requests because declining feels socially risky, especially during face-to-face interactions. Early career yeses can build relationships, exposure, and skills, but later career requests often exceed capacity. Requesters tend to underestimate how hard it is for others to refuse. In-person requests attract more agreement than email because refusal feels awkward in the moment. Saying yes frequently leads to greater effort than requesters expect and to work or emotional labor that goes unappreciated. A casual "Sure, no problem" can become hours of unpaid work. Saying no at work is a learnable skill and benefits from strategies that minimize relational damage.

Read at Psychology Today