"If you grew up emotionally neglected, certain compliments can trigger this uncomfortable response. Not because you're ungrateful or have low self-esteem, but because these specific types of praise touch on wounds from a childhood where emotional connection was missing. Through therapy after a difficult breakup, I finally understood why certain compliments made me want to disappear. It wasn't about the compliments themselves. It was about what they highlighted: all the things I never heard growing up."
"Growing up emotionally neglected often means becoming hyperaware of other people's needs and moods. You learned to read the room, to anticipate what others wanted, to be the perfect audience for everyone else's stories. So when someone compliments your listening skills, it can feel like they're praising a survival mechanism. You want to say, 'Thanks, I developed this skill because my own voice didn't matter.'"
Certain compliments can trigger intense discomfort when emotional neglect was part of childhood. Early emotional neglect fosters survival behaviors such as hypervigilant listening, self-silencing, and forced independence. These behaviors functioned to maintain safety and connection when the child's needs went unmet. Receiving praise for those behaviors can feel like recognition of past wounds rather than genuine appreciation. Therapy can reveal that the discomfort stems from what the compliment highlights: absent validation, unheard needs, and emotional labor performed to compensate. Examples include being called a good listener or independent, which may translate into reminders of a silenced voice and self-reliance born from necessity. Awareness of these dynamics can guide healing and boundary setting.
Read at Silicon Canals
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