What I Wish I Knew in Medical School

"Instead, 7 months into my new role as Director of Inpatient Medicine, the world shut down. COVID hit. I remember sitting in my office on a Zoom call with the doors closed, all of us quietly afraid of dying from a disease we didn't yet understand. My face looked tired. Scared. We were trying to decide: Do we pull our residents out of the hospital? Or do we stay and help?"

"What you don't see in the photo is that I had just drafted a 5-page contingency plan for our hospital and inpatient team, drawing from my Masters in Public Health and sheer panic. I stayed up late every night creating sample models for new team structures, patient flow, disaster preparedness, and safety precautions. In my mind, doing something was better than doing nothing and feeling helpless."

"Through the thick of COVID, I'd wake up every day at 3 a.m. to check for updates, comb through emerging studies on COVID, and memorize NIH guidelines. I was desperately searching for any new clue that might help save my patients. And yet, I'd ask myself questions that no research study could yet answer: Would my patients survive the night? Would my husband, a hospitalist, be ok? Would our parents survive?"

Seven months into a new role as Director of Inpatient Medicine, the COVID pandemic forced immediate crisis decisions about resident safety and clinical duty. The physician drafted a five-page contingency plan using public health training, creating models for team structures, patient flow, preparedness, and safety. Work extended into early mornings, reviewing emerging studies and NIH guidelines while waking at 3 a.m. to check updates. Emotional burdens included fear for patients, family members, and colleagues, and a compulsion to 'do more' to reduce helplessness. Actions provided practical planning but could not eliminate uncertainty or guarantee outcomes.

Read at Psychology Today