"Listening to Rob Key deliver the latest four-yearly Ashes autopsy deep in the grey concrete underworld of the Melbourne Cricket Ground, it was tempting at first to conclude that what we have here is a basic category mistake. A pundit is punditing his own mistakes. A fluent, interesting broadcaster is offering fluent, interesting observations about the collapse of an England tour that he, the fluent, interesting broadcaster, oversaw. And concluding, you know what, I probably did OK in the end."
"The ECB has mistakenly hired a broadcaster. It has confused cause and effect, presentation and delivery. The Honey Monster has been put in charge of global puffed rice production. Except, after an hour of mild filler laced with the odd hidden mea culpa, this had begun to feel more like sensible planning. England's prep for this tour has been all about horses for courses. Bashir for Adelaide. Wood for Perth."
"Ideally another Rob Key could now be wheeled out to pontificate on Rob Key pontificating on Rob Key. A further layer, Rob Key cubed, could produce a clippable podcast segment on the Rob key evisceration of Rob Key on Rob Key. And we can just drill endlessly upwards, away from the detail not towards it, into a place where nobody has to answer any real questions or carry anything resembling a can. Or at least, not yet anyway."
Rob Key delivered a public Ashes autopsy that initially felt like a pundit explaining mistakes he helped create. He combined fluent, media-ready commentary with responsibility for the tour's failures. The ECB's staffing and selection choices prioritised presentation specialists and matched players to conditions, producing picks such as Bashir for Adelaide and Wood for Perth. Key was positioned as the specialist to explain England's basement defeat. The tone suggested a system that emphasises layered, media-friendly explanations and evasive accountability rather than direct answers or clear responsibility for the collapse.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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