"I get stuck in my head about not feeling attractive enough. I can be having a perfectly good day, then catch my reflection - in a bathroom mirror, a dark window, my phone camera - and suddenly I'm off. I start thinking I should be hotter, fitter, have better hair, or just look more put-together than I do. Once that spiral starts, it's hard not to fixate on everything I think is wrong with me."
"It feels like the standards are especially brutal in gay culture. I go to a lot of clubs and music festivals, and I'll be standing there watching the crowd, surrounded by guys who seem effortlessly attractive - white, muscular, confident, shirtless, not thinking twice about it. I'm not that type. I never really have been. But part of me wants so badly to be."
Sudden self-criticism about appearance can be triggered by catching one’s reflection in a mirror, window, or phone camera, turning a good day into a negative spiral. The spiral focuses attention on perceived physical flaws and fuels comparisons to an imagined, better-looking version of oneself. Gay social spaces often emphasize a narrow standard of attractiveness—young, white, muscular, confident—which intensifies feelings of not belonging for those who do not fit that ideal. Many queer people internalized messages early that something about them was wrong, too much, or unacceptable, reinforced by family, peers, religious institutions, news, and pop culture. These pressures lead to withdrawal, reduced participation, and assumptions of judgment from others.
Read at Queerty
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