"Responsibilities:● Bring every meal to the President on a big spinning plate atop a stick like you're a magician.● Taste-test each bite of food for poison and also to make sure it's not too hot.● Pick which country the United States should go to war with.● Knowledge of ice-cream sundaes is a plus!● Trim shrubs to look like "Looney Tunes" characters.● Kill all the bees (they've unionized)."
"Responsibilities:● Post to various social-media platforms including X, Truth Social, and StateDepartment.gov.● Teach the President to read and write, plus woke lingo like "ACAB" and "viral feta TikTok pasta."● Make the President People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive every day.● Read all the laws, and delete the ones that help people.● Say "mm-hmm," "yes," and "uh-huh" as the President tells you about his day."
A litany of fictional responsibilities assigns absurd, obscene, and surreal tasks to presidential aides and staff. Tasks range from ceremonially serving meals and taste-testing food for poison to choosing a country to wage war against. Other duties include managing social-media accounts, teaching reading and slang, dressing and trimming shrubs into cartoon shapes, exterminating bees, and acting as a liaison to foreign leaders. Several entries portray infantilizing or demeaning caretaking, sleep facilitation, and grotesque or violent actions. The overall tone blends political parody, dark humor, and exaggerated ridicule of authority through offensive and surreal imagery.
Read at The New Yorker
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