Classic football announcing clichés are paired with fresh, absurdly specific alternatives to update broadcasters' stock lines. The replacements use contemporary workplace metaphors, streaming and piracy references, pop-culture callbacks, and surreal imagery. Examples include replacing "splits the uprights" with an equatorial/planetary simile, "on the same page" with a Google Docs joke, and "workhorse" with an intern metaphor about precarious employment. Other updates evoke late-night streaming, drunken roommates, torrenting Tony Danza films, appetizer metaphors, and surge-priced Ubers. The tone is irreverent, satirical, and aimed at subverting broadcast predictability through unexpected comparisons.
"Cliché: "And the kick splits the uprights."Update: "And the kick goes right through the middle of the poles like the equator of our very own dying planet." Cliché: "These two teammates need to get on the same page."Update: "These two teammates need to stop creating different Google Docs with the same title." Cliché: "This running back's a real workhorse."Update: "This running back's a real intern who delusionally thinks that the company will be around in a year to hire him when he graduates.""
"Cliché: "This team clearly brought its A-game today."Update: "This team clearly didn't stay up until 4 A.M. looking for a high-quality version of the 1994 film 'Angels in the Outfield' to stream last night." Cliché: "The receiver really got his bell rung on that hit."Update: "The receiver must feel like he has a drunk roommate who lost his key after that hit.""
Read at The New Yorker
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