Do you ever think about the paths you didn't take?

"“I love the path you've taken, but if you'd asked me 10 years ago, I would have said you'd definitely end up a dean somewhere.” Honestly, there was a time I thought so, too. For years, that path felt not only plausible, but likely. I loved universities: the intellectual intensity, the sense of mission, the complicated human systems. I was drawn to institutional leadership and to the challenge of helping organizations navigate moments of conflict, ambiguity, and change. I understood academia intuitively and knew how to function effectively within it.”"

"“Instead, my life unfolded differently. I left higher education, built a coaching and consulting practice, and now spend much of my time in conversations that are more psychologically exploratory and relationally intimate than the work I once imagined myself doing.”"

"“What struck me about my colleague's comment was that it did not evoke regret exactly. Instead, it prompted reflection on all the paths I did not take and all the selves I did not become.”"

"“I suspect many high-achieving adults quietly carry some version of this experience. At a certain point in adulthood, particularly for people who have built meaningful careers and substantial lives, there is often a dawning awareness that success narrows identity. By becoming one version of ourselves, we inevitably relinquish others.”"

A former colleague predicted a future in academic leadership, but a different career unfolded. Instead of staying in higher education, a coaching and consulting practice was built, with work centered on psychologically exploratory and relationally intimate conversations. The comment led to reflection on paths not taken and selves not become, without producing regret. Many high-achieving adults experience a similar realization: success can narrow identity. As adulthood progresses, the awareness grows that becoming one version of oneself requires giving up other possible identities. Identity shifts from expansive possibilities in youth to more constrained options as choices solidify.

Read at Fast Company