"You're a very good friend. You have compassion and you care about your friends deeply. I would be careful to not triangulate. Person A is coming to you and complaining, then Person B is coming to you and complaining, and they're not having those conversations themselves. Ultimately this is a problem between them, and you can't fix it or tell them to get a divorce."
"As a friend, you have to set some boundaries for yourself. When someone is coming to you and they're constantly complaining, it might feel productive for them. But it's not. Venting can actually reinforce a negative feeling. So there's a point where [the conversation is] actually not helpful for the person and for you as a listener. You can also ask permission before"
Friends worry about an unfair division of labor in a long-standing couple and receive separate confessions from each spouse. Those separate disclosures create triangulation and place the friends in a difficult role. The problem belongs to the couple and cannot be fixed by outsiders or resolved by urging divorce. Friends should set boundaries to protect themselves and avoid reinforcing negativity through repeated venting. Asking permission before offering advice and encouraging partners to communicate directly can be more helpful than repeatedly listening to complaints or attempting to resolve the couple's conflict.
Read at www.npr.org
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