How to Deal with Insults

"The first step is dealing with insults is to ascertain that the insult truly is an insult. Whenever someone insults us, we ought to consider three things: whether the substance is true, whom it came from, and why. If the substance is true or conceivably true, the person it came from is known to be fair-minded, and their motive is benevolent, then the insult is not an insult so much as a statement of fact, and, moreover, one that could be very helpful to us."

"Anger is the weakest possible response, and this for three main reasons: it signals that we take the insult, and therefore the insulter, seriously; it suggests that there may be some substance to the insult; and it upsets and destabilizes us, which, as well as being unpleasant, invites further attacks, including, sometimes, physical attacks. Do we really want to end up in the emergency room, or in a prison cell, because some idiot is behaving like an idiot?"

First, ascertain whether an apparent insult truly is one. Consider three things: whether the content is true, who said it, and why. If the content is true or plausible, the speaker is fair-minded, and the motive benevolent, then the remark serves as a helpful statement of fact. Respect for the speaker warrants learning from the remark. If the speaker lacks standing or goodwill, treat the remark like a naughty child’s noise or a barking dog and do not take offence. Anger and retaliation are ineffective because they validate the insult, imply its truth, destabilize, and invite further attacks.

Read at Psychology Today