"Catholicism was my foundation. It gave me a sense of order, of meaning. It made the world feel sacred, as if every act... was part of something larger."
"Catholic guilt isn't loud or dramatic. It's subtle, almost tender. It hums beneath everything, a reminder that there is always something to confess, always ways to fall short."
"At church, I'd sit in the pew and wonder if God could see right through me, if He knew about the thoughts I tried to bury, the prayers I whispered without words."
"I like to think now that He was never trying to change me. He was just waiting with me in the confusion, the guilt, the quiet corners of my faith."
A Catholic upbringing provided a foundation of faith, instilling a sense of order and meaning. The beauty of rituals was accompanied by a subtle guilt, particularly regarding unspoken topics like religion and sexuality. As the realization of being queer emerged, it brought confusion and fear, leading to silent prayers for forgiveness. Despite the struggle, there was a sense of divine presence in the confusion, suggesting acceptance rather than a desire for change.
Read at Advocate.com
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