"Taking vs. Giving Betty Martin developed the Wheel of Consent, a model that maps touch along two axes: who the touch is for, and who is doing it. Giving is touch you offer for your partner's benefit. Taking is touch you initiate for yourself, for your own comfort or pleasure. They can look identical from the outside. The difference is internal. But she feels it."
"Your partner is enabling your touch, which might not be what they actually want. When you take too frequently, your partner doesn't stay neutral. Over time, too much taking leads to resentment. Resentment becomes distance. And distance leads to your partner initiating touch less and less. It's not a mystery. It's simple math. For sixteen years, I was touching Galit the way I wanted to touch her."
"Most men confuse sensuality with sexuality because, growing up, sex was the only touch channel they had. When a man wasn't touched enough as a child, that scarcity comes back as taking in adult relationships."
"When your partner can say No freely, their Yes finally means something. Their No is what makes their Yes real."
Touch can appear the same from the outside while differing internally in whether it is offered for a partner’s benefit or initiated for one’s own comfort. When touch is taken too often, a partner may not remain neutral and can begin to feel resentment. Resentment can create distance, which reduces how often a partner initiates touch. Some men confuse sensuality with sexuality because, during upbringing, sex may have been the only available touch channel. When a man was not touched enough as a child, scarcity can reappear in adult relationships as taking. When a partner can say No freely, their Yes becomes meaningful, because their No makes the Yes real.
Read at Psychology Today
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