Marriage 911: Don't Ignore Verbal Abuse!

"Many couples don't think they have a "verbal abuse" problem. Because they're not screaming. They're not calling each other horrible names. Of course, for other couples, the screaming and name-calling are happening. But here's the unpleasant truth... Verbal abuse takes many forms. Whether your unkind words are a whisper or a scream, all of them cause harm. Verbal abuse can destroy your relationship, even if you're not yelling. Subtle nastiness also creates wounds."

"When people hear "verbal abuse," they think of the obvious: Swearing Insults Threats like "I'm done" or "I want a divorce" These overtly nasty words or threats to end the relationships are certainly damaging. I often think of that old schoolyard chant: "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me." Wow, is that ever wrong! Broken bones heal, but word wounds can leave psychological scars that linger."

"Today I also want to draw your attention to the quieter, more subtle forms of verbal abuse that can wound your partner and your relationship. Constant criticism or "helpful" corrections That sharp, impatient tone, even when the words themselves are fair Saying "thanks, but..." Bickering over small things (the death by a thousand cuts syndrome) Avoiding hard conversations altogether (it's what you are not saying that is undermining you)"

"Or simply checking out. Your partner shares something meaningful... and you barely look up from your phone. That moment? It lands. Over time, these small disconnections add up. As you heard in the last article in this Marriage 911 series, a leading cause of divorce is "we just grew apart.""

Verbal abuse can appear as obvious insults, swearing, and threats to end the relationship, but it also includes quieter forms that still cause harm. Constant criticism and “helpful” corrections can wound a partner. A sharp, impatient tone can undermine even fair words. Dismissive responses like “thanks, but…” and bickering over small issues can create ongoing damage. Avoiding hard conversations can be harmful because what is not said undermines trust. Checking out during meaningful sharing, such as barely looking up from a phone, creates repeated disconnection. Over time, these small injuries can contribute to growing apart and relationship breakdown.

Read at Psychology Today