"More specifically, I work in DIY music a lot, which is relevant because of the personal connections with collaborators that it necessitates, and the lack of institutions that mediate them. I work with quite a few women, and I find many of them attractive, and many of them are close personal friends as well as collaborators. Which makes things ... complicated."
"I dated someone I'd been working with, and it was a pretty unhealthy relationship and ruined the collaboration before we even broke up. Mixing feelings with collaboration created a lot of stress on the relationship, felt like it raised the stakes of everything, and generally made both more difficult to navigate. The relationship also made my collaborations with other women much more complicated because my partner had some jealousy issues, and musical collaboration is a naturally emotionally potent thing."
A mid-20s single man works extensively in DIY music, where personal connections and few formal institutions shape collaborations. He frequently collaborates with women who are also close friends and finds that dynamic complicated. A past romantic relationship with a collaborator became unhealthy and destroyed the partnership, and mixing feelings increased stress and stakes across collaborations. Jealousy from that relationship complicated his other collaborations. He now considers sex and romance with musical collaborators off the table, citing ethical concerns about entrenched sexism and the potential downsides for the women involved, and prefers abstention to avoid harm.
Read at Slate Magazine
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