Wanting to Stop Wanting Is Still Wanting

"If you don't know how something works, you might not be able to change it when it needs changing. You might not even know if it's the thing that needs changing. When a light on the dashboard of your car comes on, that often means that something somewhere isn't working. But it's not the light itself that's the problem. Putting some tape over the light so you can't see it won't fix things! It's the same with wants."

"I've seen, for example, people suggest we should focus on habits rather than goals. In fact, James Clear's #1 New York Times bestseller, Atomic Habits (2018), is a whole book about this. Even in James's words, though, a misunderstanding can be found. In the Introduction, James explains that a habit is "a routine or behavior that is performed regularly" (2018). But, actually, we don't perform behaviors regularly."

"A bit further on, he explains that "behavior is always changing: situation to situation, moment to moment, second to second." (2018). Huh? How can those two ideas be in the same book? "Behavior is performed regularly," and "behavior is always changing" are opposites. But, in a way, they're both right."

"Control science makes it clear that what we care about are results (Powers, 2005). There is no doubt we perform behavior regularly. We just don't perform the same behavior regularly. We"

Wants can require attention, so understanding how they work is more useful than trying to simply let them go. If you do not know how something works, you may not be able to change it when change is needed, and you may not even recognize what needs changing. A dashboard light example shows that hiding a warning does not fix the underlying problem. Different terms are used to describe maintaining balance. Observing how things turn out can reveal the goals being pursued. Even when focusing on habits instead of goals, behavior can be both regular in occurrence and variable in form across situations and moments. Control science emphasizes that what matters are results.

Read at Psychology Today