"The questions usually come after the lights are off - innocent, unplanned, impossible. It was the night of my 39th birthday, and I was lying in the dark beside my 4-year-old son, watching him as he drifted toward sleep. I know he's close when he rests his right cheek on the pillow, facing away from me, his body finally slowing down."
"Turning 39 left me thinking about everything I got wrong over the last year. I reflected back, taking stock of everything I'd failed at. All the ways I'd messed things up. What I hadn't done. What I still hadn't figured out. The things I thought I'd be past by now. The choices I made that led me here instead. The year behind me felt wasted."
"He'd been quiet for a while. Long enough that I thought he was asleep. But he wasn't. "Mommy," he said. "When can we see a rainbow?" "They aren't out at night, honey. Next time it rains we'll have to look for one." "But I want to see one now." I wished I could give him what he was asking for."
On her 39th birthday a mother lies awake beside her four-year-old son and watches him drift toward sleep. She reflects on the past year and feels she failed at many things. The child asks to see a rainbow at night and then asks why other people do not live with them. He reveals that he wants his father to live with them. The mother feels physically sick and struggles for words. She delays answering to compose a response, fearing any answer might be wrong for him. She chooses her words carefully. She eventually decides to speak.
Read at Scary Mommy
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