My Mother-in-Law Generously Paid for My Daughter's Gymnastics Class. Then I Learned the Cruel Reason Why.

"I don't think you should punish Delia for her grandmother's terrible behavior, but you should have a serious conversation with your husband. Whether Delia will continue to get her classes paid for will depend entirely on what you find out about Grandma. The casual way your mother-in-law made this comment to him implies that she's said things like this to him before; I would ask him if that's true and, if so, how he generally responds to her."

"Be honest with him about the way her words-and his failure to condemn them-made you feel and let him know how you'd like him to react to her in the future. As far as your MIL goes, while she may be a youngish woman, it's more likely that she's older and grew up in a time where fatphobia was even more rampant than today."

A parent should not punish a child for a relative’s cruel motives, especially when the child enjoys the activity. The priority is a serious conversation with the husband about what was said and how he responded. The casual tone of the comment suggests the mother-in-law may have made similar remarks before, so the parent should ask whether this has happened and how the husband typically reacts. The parent should be honest about how the words and the husband’s lack of condemnation affected them and should clearly request how the husband should respond in the future. Future lesson support depends on what is learned about the grandmother’s behavior.

Read at Slate Magazine