"Your children's father is putting you in an inappropriate position that, conveniently, clears him of any responsibility for maintaining the relationships in his life. It's much easier, presumably, to believe the narrative that you're not doing enough to make your daughter available to him, rather than acknowledging the truth: He is perfectly capable of dialing his own phone. Tell him and your daughter that you need to remove yourself from their planning."
"That means you won't ask her about whether she's going to visit him, but also that you won't receive calls from him berating you about another adult's actions. Be firm and clear about this. This frustration he has may bleed into other parts of the relationship you have with him. But it sounds like this conflict is born of issues that have always been at the core of the separation, if not the relationship itself."
A separated father blames the mother for his adult daughter's absence while failing to maintain the relationship himself. The mother should remove herself from planning or mediating visits between adult children and the father. The father is capable of contacting his daughter directly and must take responsibility for maintaining that relationship. The mother should refuse calls in which he berates her about another adult's actions and set firm, clear boundaries. The father's frustration likely stems from longstanding issues rooted in the separation and relationship. Stepping out of conflicts between adults is uncomfortable but reduces emotional burden and helps family dynamics.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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