"Many parents reach a point where they realize the "help" they've been giving their adult child is no longer helping. Bills get paid, loans co-signed, deadlines extended, and pep talks offered-yet nothing really changes. The cycle of hope and disappointment leaves parents drained, resentful, and worried. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. When a child becomes an adult, the job of parenting-teaching, guiding, and protecting-has officially ended. Yet many parents still feel compelled to step in, especially when their grown child struggles with motivation, finances, or life direction. Out of love and fear, they try to fix things, only to find themselves more entangled in their child's dependency."
"It's natural to want to protect your child from pain. But there's a difference between support and enabling. Support encourages your child to stand on their own; enabling shields them from consequences and reinforces their dependence. At its core, enabling is about control rather than love. Parents extend themselves to soothe their own anxiety-paying bills to avoid late notices, calling employers to ease their child's stress, or solving problems that aren't truly theirs. This creates temporary relief but long-term stagnation."
Many parents provide ongoing practical and emotional help to adult children—paying bills, co-signing loans, extending deadlines, and offering pep talks—without meaningful change. The ongoing assistance creates a cycle of hope, disappointment, resentment, and exhaustion for parents. Enabling differs from support by shielding adult children from consequences and reinforcing their dependence. Enabling often stems from parental anxiety and a desire for control rather than love. Effective change requires parents to shift focus inward, examine triggers and motives, and set consistent boundaries so adult children can develop independence and healthier relationships.
Read at Psychology Today
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