"Shame is one of the most painful emotions we experience, yet it's also one of the least understood. It thrives in secrecy and silence. It tells us we are not enough, and it convinces us to hide the very parts of ourselves that most need care. We all carry shame in some form. Understanding it, and learning how to meet it, can transform the way we see ourselves."
"Shame Is About Identity, Not Behavior The first thing to know is this: Guilt and shame are not the same. Guilt says, I did something wrong. Shame says, There is something wrong with me. While guilt can motivate change, shame attacks who we are at the core. It makes us believe we are undeserving of love, belonging, or forgiveness. When you start to notice self-talk that uses words like always or never, that is shame speaking, not truth."
"Shame Feeds on Silence Shame grows stronger when it stays hidden. The moment you speak it out loud, it begins to lose power. This is why sharing our pain in safe relationships can be so healing. When shame convinces you to stay quiet, it is protecting itself, not you. The more you can name it, the more it starts to unravel."
Shame targets identity rather than behavior, distinguishing it from guilt by telling people there is something wrong with them instead of that they did something wrong. Shame strengthens when kept secret, and speaking the experience aloud in safe relationships reduces its power. Shame appears across people as perfectionism, people-pleasing, anger, or withdrawal, all rooted in fear of disconnection. Recognizing shame as universal lessens isolation and softens its grip. Noticing and naming shame with compassion creates distance from the feeling and allows healing to begin.
Read at Psychology Today
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