"While she appreciates the adoration and deplores the incoherent instruction you received, Miss Manners feels compelled to point out that for all the possible responses you suggest, you omitted the obvious one: apologizing. They asked you to attend or at least to tell them if you were unavailable and you failed to do so. They made that difficult and expressed themselves inarticulately, but you knew what they meant."
"Other people seldom behave exactly the way we would wish. However, etiquette strictly limits our ability to correct such annoyances for a very basic reason: We would then have to reciprocate and who knows what we are doing that others find irritating. Miss Manners therefore offers three gentle suggestions. 1. When you are the meal's host, you can offer to clear a plate,"
Confusing RSVP instructions and poorly designed response forms can make it impossible to indicate unavailability, yet the appropriate remedy for failing to reply is to apologize. Hosts requested attendance or notification of inability to attend; failure to respond creates an obligation to apologize even if instructions were unclear. Social etiquette discourages directly admonishing others for minor personal habits because doing so risks reciprocal criticism. Three gentle options are suggested for addressing a diner who plays with food. The first option is, when hosting, to offer to clear the plate.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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