No is a deceptively short, simple word that can trigger several layers of anxiety for the person trying to say it. For starters: What does it reveal about our character? We worry that we're essentially communicating that we're not a helpful person; we're not a nice, kind person; we're not a team player, Bohns says. We're too lazy to take something on, or we don't want to work hard."
If you're saying yes to everything, people are more likely to ask you again and again, says Bohns, who's the author of You Have More Influence Than You Think. You wind up being the person who gets all the asks, and that can lead to burnout, problems with work-life balance, feeling like you're being taken advantage of, and a loss of autonomy. Plus, an inability to say no could cause priorities such as hobbies, relationships, or projects to suffer."
Saying no with conviction begins with having a clear sense of what is and isn't worth your time. That can become fuzzy, especially given social pressure and the weight of obligation. Gain clarity by utilizing a simple cost-benefit framework, suggests Vanessa Patrick, associate dean for research at the Bauer College of Business at the University of H.
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