Ask your roommate to have a household meeting. At the meeting, point out that you have noticed the many notes all over your home with your roommate's requests for work to be done. Push back. Explain that you do not appreciate the notes. You prefer having a direct conversation about the delineation of duties in your shared space. Acknowledge that the two of you have different standards,
You need to stand up for yourself. When your husband speaks to you in an unacceptable way, tell him to stop. In the moment, if possible, point out that he is yelling or being rude or disrespectful. You can even say, Honey, I know you had a hard day today, but I need you not to take it out on me.
This season has been less about who is right or wrong in any argument and more about the tactics they use to fight each other. Just like Guerdy was totally right in her fight with Julia, especially after she threw water at her, but the tactics she used to publish Julia's texts made her behavior unseemly to the women.