"I'm a Board-Certified Psychologist in Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology and have worked with children for nearly thirty years: as a camp counselor, tutor, nanny, teacher, Peace Corps Volunteer, and now as a clinician. I'll be the first to ask if I can hold your baby or bring back a tiny outfit from a trip abroad. And yet, here I am in my mid-forties: childfree by circumstance."
"Of all the ways I could describe myself: psychologist, partner, traveler, writer, the first question I'm often asked is: "Do you have children?" When I answer "no", the silence is deafening. I used to rush to fill the gap: "It just wasn't in the cards for me." But, these days, I try to sit with the pause and remember that no is a complete answer."
"In my twenties, I imagined kids would be part of my life. But the timing never lined up. There were long stretches of singlehood, complicated relationships, and big relocations. The years passed. There were seasons when I couldn't face another baby shower, not because I wasn't happy for my friends, but because I couldn't bear the pitying looks, the "You'd be such a good mom," or the unspoken "What happened?""
A board-certified psychologist in clinical child and adolescent psychology is childfree by circumstance in her mid-forties after decades of work with children in roles from camp counselor to clinician. Timing, long stretches of singlehood, complicated relationships, and big relocations prevented parenting. She used to explain the absence of children as "not in the cards" but now accepts "no" as a complete answer. Baby showers and pitying reactions caused pain. Remarriage in her forties eased scrutiny but did not change her circumstances. Many women live in an in-between space: not fully childfree by choice nor infertile, often pausing out of caution or lacking the right partner.
Read at Psychology Today
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