""So many women in perimenopause feel like something is 'wrong' with them because they've been sold a completely unrealistic story about female desire," Dr. Vanessa Coppola, a menopause expert and founder of Bare Aesthetic and Bare Soul Wellness, tells Scary Mommy. "You're supposed to want sex the same way you did at 25 for the rest of your life, and if you don't, it must mean you're broken or your relationship is failing.""
""What's actually happening, Coppola explains, is much more biological. During perimenopause, sleep can become fragmented, which shifts brain chemistry: dopamine drops, cortisol rises, and the nervous system becomes less available for pleasure. Estrogen fluctuations affect mood, tissue comfort, and arousal response. Add in the rising mental load many women carry in midlife - work, caregiving, household responsibility, constant decision fatigue - and libido often becomes quieter, slower, and less spontaneous.""
Perimenopause commonly causes changes in sexual desire through a combination of biological and psychosocial factors. Sleep fragmentation alters brain chemistry, lowering dopamine and raising cortisol, which reduces nervous system availability for pleasure. Estrogen fluctuations change mood, genital tissue comfort, and arousal responsiveness. Increasing midlife mental load from work, caregiving, and household responsibilities adds decision fatigue that quiets spontaneous desire. These changes often produce slower, less frequent, and less spontaneous libido. Framing these shifts as adaptive rather than pathological can enable more mindful, intentional, and ultimately satisfying sexual experiences.
Read at Scary Mommy
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