"As a couples therapist, I often work with people who say things like, "My partner is so avoidant," or "I think she might be a narcissist," or whatever the latest psychological buzzword happens to be. These days, diagnostic language from psychology and social media has seeped into our everyday conversations. In earlier decades, people came into therapy saying, "He's selfish," or "She's too controlling." The words have changed, but the impulse is timeless: When someone hurts us, we want an explanation."
"1. It sets up an unhealthy power dynamic. When you diagnose your partner, you place yourself in the position of expert and your partner in the position of patient. This is not only unfair, it is corrosive to intimacy. Intimate partners should meet as equals, not as one person who knows what is wrong and another who is being told what they are."
Diagnostic and pop-psych labels increasingly describe partners, offering quick explanations for hurt and confusion. Labels can feel validating but often backfire in intimate relationships by creating unequal expert–patient dynamics and eroding mutuality. Objectivity becomes impossible when emotionally involved, and applying diagnostic language to loved ones parallels crossing professional ethical boundaries. Labels reduce complex people to single problems and can mask contempt beneath clinical-sounding terms. Naming interaction patterns rather than personalities preserves equality, encourages mutual responsibility, protects trust, and produces clearer, more constructive pathways for addressing relationship difficulties.
Read at Psychology Today
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