Unmasking Control in Emotionally Abusive Relationships

"We tend to associate the word "abuse" with more extreme behaviors and actions. However, abuse occurs on a continuum and can take on different forms and morph and/or escalate over the course of the relationship. Subtle abuse can be difficult to recognize or detect because it often consists of "small" acts of coercion that compound gradually over time. Controlling behaviors, efforts to limit or infringe on your autonomy and privacy, are common in abusive relationships."

"Sometimes these controlling behaviors are overt, such as a partner making a demand or giving an ultimatum. Other times, they are more covert in nature, appearing as a "request" or "suggestion"-but with an undertone of judgment or implied threat (for example, that not complying will result in being ignored, "iced out," or having love and affection withheld). Regardless of the method, these controlling behaviors can be incredibly damaging and detrimental to your mental health and well-being."

"Emotionally abusive partners often try to dominate your time and control how you spend your time and who you share your time with. They use guilt and shame to make you feel bad for allocating time to other people and things that are outside of the relationship. By controlling your time, your world becomes smaller and more insular, resulting in you having less freedom and authority over your life."

Control is the core dynamic in emotionally abusive relationships, manifesting on a continuum from subtle coercion to overt demands. Controlling behaviors often aim to limit autonomy, privacy, time, relationships, and lifestyle choices through guilt, shame, ultimatums, or withheld affection. Covert tactics may appear as requests or suggestions with implied judgment or threat, making them harder to detect. These behaviors compound over time, shrinking social worlds and eroding mental health, freedom, and authority. Recognizing patterns of control is essential for healing, reclaiming autonomy, setting boundaries, and preventing escalation.

Read at Psychology Today