"Our love life has been varied and followed a predictable arc through life. We were hot and heavy at 17, intermittent when the kids were little, and had a midlife rebound. Now I'm menopausal, and my libido has fallen off a cliff. Yes, I've seen my doctor and am on treatments, but my body is different now. I'm old. My husband, meanwhile, is still into sex, and I'm totally willing to indulge him."
"But he pouts because he says he doesn't want to do it unless I'm into it-by which he means I'm horny. I can't do that anymore (we've tried!). He won't have sex with me unless I convincingly pretend that I'm as into it as he is. And he also hates it if he knows I'm faking it, so I have to be really good at pretending. But he gets irritable if we don't do it at all. So he's basically grumpy all the time."
After 36 years together, a woman reports menopausal loss of libido despite medical treatment. She remains willing to have sex but rarely feels genuine arousal. Her husband insists on visible enthusiasm and refuses sex unless she convincingly fakes arousal, then becomes irritable or pouty when she does not perform. She feels pressured to go through elaborate, fake routines that she finds demeaning and unsustainable. His persistent grumpiness when sex is withheld adds ongoing relational strain. She asks whether it is reasonable to expect acceptance of willing but low-desire participation and whether she may set a firm limit without blowing up the marriage.
Read at Slate Magazine
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