A bid is any attempt to engage with a partner, including a touch, a question, a shared observation, or a sigh. Happy, stable couples tend to turn toward each other’s bids about 86% of the time, while struggling couples do so about 33% of the time, often ignoring or rejecting bids. Relationship health is influenced by the accumulation of small moments that are acknowledged and engaged, which builds intimacy and an “emotional bank account.” When bids are ignored or rejected, intimacy erodes, creating distance and guardedness. Early adversity can shape how bids are made, leading to unclear or too-small attempts. A missed bid can trigger old wounds, causing reactions that are larger than the moment warrants. Self-awareness about what was triggered can shift reaction into reflection and healing.
"A bid is any attempt to engage with a partner-a touch, a question, a shared observation, even a sigh. Bids can be clear and easy to recognize; they can also be small or subtle, to the point where they may even go unnoticed."
"It's generally not the dramatic fights or the grand gestures that determine the health of a relationship. It's the accumulation of small moments, day after day. Bids shared and received, that deepen intimacy, increasing the couple's "emotional bank account." Conversely, bids that are ignored or rejected gradually erode intimacy, turning warmth and affection into distance and self-protective guardedness. The emotional bank account drops ever lower."
"A missed bid can trigger old wounds, making our reaction far bigger than the situation warrants. Self-awareness-"what got triggered in me just now?"-can transform reaction into reflection and healing."
#relationship-communication #emotional-bids #conflict-and-repair #emotional-bank-account #self-awareness
Read at Psychology Today
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