Pros and Cons of the 'Grim Keeping' Dating Trend

"Grim keeping is when you connect romantically with someone over shared dislikes rather than likes. I already mentioned this term briefly in "A Funny Bone to Pick" back when I did a rundown of five different dating trends for 2025. Grim keeping may be keeping with the times since these days it seems like a lot of people are bonding over complaining about the current state of society."

"Grim keeping can be very effective at building connection because it plays into some typical human tendencies. One of these tendencies is to prioritize identifying and dealing with threats above all else, natural programming that has helped humans survive threats like lions, floods, sweater vests, and fruitcakes throughout the ages. That's why someone complaining about the same threat that you may face is likely to get your ears to naturally perk up and listen."

"A second tendency is gravitating toward the "us versus them" mentality. As social animals, we prefer facing threats with allies rather than alone. When there is seemingly a common enemy, it is easier"

"But the grim reality is that you've got to be wary about the potential negatives of being, well, too negative. Grim keeping can lead to dwelling too much in the negative and the wrong relationship dynamics. Be mindful of how much time you spend in the negative as opposed to the positive, and do what feels right."

Grim keeping is romantic connection built around shared dislikes rather than shared likes. Shared negativity can create connection by triggering attention to perceived threats and by encouraging an “us versus them” mindset that makes partnering feel safer. Mutual complaining can also provide validation and support, increasing authenticity in how people relate. The main risk is dwelling too much on negative topics, which can reinforce unhelpful relationship dynamics. Spending more time focusing on negativity than on positive aspects can shift the relationship toward patterns that feel familiar but are not healthy. Being mindful of the balance and choosing what feels right helps keep the connection constructive.

Read at Psychology Today