"Some people in your life will never love you. They'll approve of you. They'll value you. They'll keep you around. But the warmth you feel from them isn't love. It's payment."
"I showed up. I was reliable. I took care of things. And I assumed... that if I did enough, provided enough, fixed enough, the people I cared about would eventually give me the thing I was actually working for."
"What the psychologists figured out... Rogers called them 'conditions of worth': the internalized standards a person must meet in order to feel deserving of love and acceptance."
"When you're a kid, you figure out pretty quickly what earns warmth and what earns coldness. If your parents light up when you achieve something and go quiet when you don't, you learn the equation."
Some individuals in life may never truly love you, offering approval instead. This realization comes from understanding that relationships can become transactional, where warmth is linked to what one provides. A career in electrical contracting taught the importance of reliability and care, but these traits can mislead in personal relationships. The desire for genuine value and acceptance often goes unfulfilled, as it relies on the wrong assumptions about love. Psychologist Carl Rogers' concept of 'conditions of worth' explains how early experiences shape perceptions of deserving love.
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