"After I moved in, he became a lot more vocal about his expectations of me as a wife. He's no longer the sweet, romantic guy I dated over the years. His idea of chivalry is telling me that I have no need for male friends because he's the only man I need. His idea of romance is reminding me that I am his forever and always."
"Count your blessings that you are seeing his true colors before you walk down the aisle. You absolutely should not marry someone who is treating you this way. Now is the time to make a plan. Save your money. Look for a new place to live that you can afford. Set yourself up before you break the news that you are leaving. Because he is so controlling, he may react poorly."
"Once you've done that, meet him for dinner somewhere, let him know it's over and give him the keys. This may seem harsh, but it is a safe way to leave. Do not meet him in private, no matter how strongly he suggests it. If it seems like he may become violent, you can always call the police and request a civil standby."
A woman moved in with her fiancé after rekindling a relationship from high school; after moving in he became vocal about expectations and increasingly strict and controlling. He discouraged her from having male friends and framed possessiveness as chivalry and romance. The recommended course is to prepare an exit by saving money, finding an affordable new place, and moving belongings covertly if safety is a concern. End the engagement in a public setting, return keys, and avoid private meetings. If there is risk of violence, request police assistance or a civil standby. A separate couple set clear financial goals—paying student loans, buying a car, and purchasing a first home—and saved diligently while being selective with spending.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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