Can Couples Be Too Emotionally Merged?

Closeness in committed relationships supports emotional intimacy, responsiveness, and feelings of being understood, which benefit mental and physical well-being. Research also shows that on days when partners feel closer, they report higher sexual desire. However, closeness alone does not explain why many couples with strong emotional connection experience fading sexual interest. A key factor is “otherness,” meaning distinctiveness between partners that preserves novelty, acknowledges unique contributions, and sustains wanting. When closeness is high but otherness is low, couples often report relationship satisfaction without sexual desire. Overfamiliarity, rather than too much love, most erodes sexual desire over time. When a partner loses their sense of self, research indicates it can diminish the other partner’s autonomy as well.

"Closeness is necessary for desire, but without distinctiveness between partners, it isn't sufficient. Relationship researchers Amy Muise and Sophie Goss (2023) propose that what may be missing is something they call "otherness," defined as the distinctiveness between partners that allows each person to continue seeing the other in a new light, to acknowledge each partner's unique contributions, and to experience the mystery that sustains wanting."

"Their central argument: High closeness may be optimally linked to desire only when paired with a sufficient sense of otherness. When closeness is high, but otherness is low, what tends to follow is relationship satisfaction without sexual desire. Warm, stable, and not particularly erotic. This reframes the problem. The issue is not that couples become too close. It is that they become"

"Many couples today exist in a state of near-continuous contact-shared calendars, location sharing, constant texting, and overlapping friend groups. In many ways, this closeness is exactly what we want from a committed relationship. Emotional intimacy and responsiveness are genuine predictors of relationship health. Feeling understood and securely connected benefits both mental and physical well-being."

"Overfamiliarity, not too much love, is what most erodes sexual desire in long-term relationships. When one partner loses their sense of self, research shows it diminishes their partner's autonomy, too."

Read at Psychology Today