Asking Eric: My mother-in-law bullies me. My husband says I'm the problem.

"This kind of treatment is unacceptable; I'm sorry you've gone through this. You write that he had some of the same behaviors toward you. Your relationship with your mother-in-law may be beyond salvaging and the best course of action may be to put as much distance between you and her as you can. But your marriage should be healthy and communicative; those behaviors you mentioned are neither and it's concerning."

"I'm curious about what happens if you make the subject of his mother something that neither of you discuss. Without needing to defend her, can he see and address his side of the street in counseling? Can you address your side of the street in counseling?"

A woman in a 35-year marriage struggles with her husband's mother, who bullies her while her husband defends his mother and blames his wife for the conflict. The husband insists his mother is virtuous and that his wife is too sensitive. He exhibits similar defensive behaviors toward his wife, which previously brought the marriage to the brink of dissolution. Marriage counseling has occurred, but the husband continues to idealize his mother while dismissing his wife's legitimate grievances. The advice suggests that while the in-law relationship may be unsalvageable, the marriage requires healthier communication. The counselor recommends avoiding discussions about the mother-in-law and instead focusing on the husband's individual behavioral patterns in therapy to address his side of the conflict.

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