"He tells you he adores you. He misses you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to him. The next day-nothing. Or worse: irritation, coldness, criticism you didn't see coming. Then he switches back again, suddenly affectionate, suddenly present, as though the previous day never happened. If you've found yourself asking, "Why is he so nice one day and so harsh the next?" you're not alone."
"From the outside, his behaviour looks inconsistent. From the inside, it feels personal: What did I do to cause this? But viewed through psychology, the pattern has a name: intermittent reinforcement. It's one of the most powerful behaviour-shaping mechanisms ever documented. It works like this: Someone gives you affection, attention, or validation. Then they withdraw it suddenly. Then they return it again, unpredictably. Your nervous system becomes preoccupied with the next "good moment" because you never know when it will arrive."
Random, unpredictable cycles of warmth and withdrawal create intermittent reinforcement that strongly shapes behavior. Affection, attention, or validation are given and suddenly removed, then unpredictably returned, causing the nervous system to fixate on the next "good moment." Consistent kindness fosters security while steady cruelty prompts separation, but oscillation between the two produces intense attachment and confusion. Abusers commonly invoke their own trauma narratives to manufacture false intimacy and evade responsibility. Feeling stuck in such a relationship reflects systematic manipulation rather than personal brokenness.
Read at Psychology Today
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