When You Walk on Eggshells

"A healthy adult refuses to settle for being afraid of anybody. To keep spending time with someone who threatens you, without trying to heal the relationship, is abusing your scared child within. You are saying, 'I'll put you into the bull ring where I know you will be bruised.' To wake up every morning beside someone you fear is the heaviest of all molestations of your inner child."

"Firstly, the other person is the one who is afraid. You are feeling the ricochet of his fear. For instance, he may fear closeness, and he might be using his intimidating manner to keep you at a distance. So he acts in a way that leads to your becoming afraid of him. Over the years, he has learned: 'If I scare people with my brusque manner or pugnacity, they will not get close.'"

"Secondly, it could be that you are experiencing early childhood fears, somehow triggered by this person. This might especially be the case when you believe you cannot defend yourself. This may be a tip-off to a childhood scenario of powerlessness, now reappearing. Martin Heidegger said, 'The dreadful has already happened.' The dreadful thing happened long ago, and now we see a recurrence of it, a replica of it, in the face of someone in our present adult world."

Intimidation dynamics involve complex psychological patterns. When someone intimidates you, three primary mechanisms may be operating: the intimidator is projecting their own fear and using aggression to maintain distance, you are experiencing triggered childhood trauma responses, or you are encountering a replica of past powerlessness. Accepting intimidation in relationships constitutes self-harm toward your vulnerable inner child. Healthy adults refuse to remain in relationships where they experience fear. Healing requires recognizing these patterns, understanding their origins in childhood experiences, and choosing to protect your psychological well-being by addressing the relationship or removing yourself from the threatening dynamic.

Read at Psychology Today