"The question of "Who am I?" is closely associated with "Am I allowed to be here?" or, even deeper, "Am I allowed to exist?" And the latter are closely associated with a strong need for evidence, which is, of course, based on the beliefs that one can and should always and concretely justify one's place in the world. In their hypercompetitive mind, the perfectionist divides up the world into the worthy and the unworthy, the useful and the useless."
"It can't be that people deserve to exist or, a step further, deserve love because they do; to the perfectionist, everything has to be earned. A perfectionist may say, "Even though they won't admit it, no one wants to be sensitive or a burden; they all want to be important." So, their identity, mainly reflected to them by others, tells them if they are."
Perfectionists define themselves primarily by decisions, perceived talents, and outcomes, using those markers to seek emotional security. Persistent self-doubt drives a reliance on external validation and a need for concrete evidence of belonging. The search for identity often equates to a question of permission to exist, producing hypercompetitive thinking. Perfectionists categorize people as worthy or unworthy and believe existence and love must be earned. That binary view leads to overlooking valuable, unlabeled aspects of oneself and failing to recognize worth in others beyond performance or perceived utility.
Read at Psychology Today
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