Can We Truly Change Our Personalities?

"Personality Changes Are Really Hard. We can think of our personalities as our pre-programmed default settings. Our energy levels, emotional reactivity tendencies and cognitive processing styles are pretty much set early in life. We don't tend to reengineer our nervous systems in mid-career. As a consequence, making personality changes is sometimes nearly impossible. However, that doesn't give us permission to be an all-out terror to those around us."

"Much of my work with Marti was focused on helping her to recognize that her natural tendencies do not prescribe character. For example, being impatient doesn't allow her to be disrespectful; being emotionally reactive doesn't forgive explosive volatility when things don't go her way. Being disrespectful and emotionally volatile are character traits, not personality presets - and character traits can be improved through training and a commitment to doing the work required to make change happen."

Personality and character are distinct concepts often conflated in self-understanding. Personality comprises pre-programmed default settings including energy levels, emotional reactivity, and cognitive processing styles that are difficult to change. Character, however, consists of chosen behaviors and responses that can be improved through training and commitment. Using personality as an excuse for poor behavior—such as claiming impatience justifies disrespect or emotional reactivity excuses volatility—represents avoidance of character development. While personality changes are challenging, individuals retain responsibility for their choices and actions. Character development requires recognizing that natural tendencies do not determine behavioral choices, and committing to the difficult work of building better habits and responses.

Read at Psychology Today