Tim Dowling: after a year of ignoring each other, the cat and the dog have declared war

"We arrive home from our holiday to another household altogether: the oldest one, the middle one and the oldest one's girlfriend have been in charge for more than a fortnight. The food in the fridge is strange, sourced from unfamiliar shops. The kitchen table looks like the centre of a boiler room stock fraud operation, with computer screens everywhere and power cords dividing the space at waist height. Below the sink, the dog and the cat are scrapping. After more than a year of avoiding each other, both animals have suddenly gone on the offensive. They fight? I say. Yeah, this is normal now, the middle one says."

"The dog corners the cat, over near the back door. The cat rears up on its hind legs and bites the dog's left ear. The dog shakes the cat off and chases it in circles round the table, dodging power cords. Normal maybe, but not natural, I say. The cat rolls over on its back, adopting a submissive posture to draw the dog in. The dog takes the bait, and the cat sinks two sets of claws into the dog's muzzle. The dog backs away, with the cat sliding along, hooked underneath."

"I preferred it when they were afraid of each other, I say. I think they're having fun, the oldest one says. Sometimes it's hard to tell. My wife walks in. I thought they were going to take the scaffolding down, she says. They said maybe wait until it rains, I say, to make sure the roof is fixed. And I said I didn't want to wait, she says. Yeah, I told them that, but they still didn't come, I say. Scaffolding is expensive, until you want it gone, at which point they're happy to leave it with you for ever for free. Can you call them again? my wife says. I will, just as soon as I say."

"The only time the dog and cat are at peace is in the hour before feeding time, when they agitate in concert to bring feeding forward an hour Stop fighting! my wife screams. The dog and the cat stop, turn, look at her, and then roll out of the room in a snarling ball. The dog and the cat fight on and off all morning"

Arriving home reveals a different household dynamic: the older children and a girlfriend have managed the house for more than a fortnight. Food in the fridge comes from unfamiliar shops and the kitchen table is cluttered with computers and power cords. The dog and cat, after a year of avoidance, have begun fighting frequently with alternating aggressive and submissive behaviors. A conversation about scaffolding and roof repairs exposes miscommunication and irritation among adults. The animals briefly calm only before feeding time, when they conspire to hasten the meal, then resume fighting intermittently through the morning.

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